If you sacrifice yourself as a parent, you will make your child feel like a burden.

This is hard to hear, but it’s true.

When you give everything and leave nothing for yourself, your child feels it. They sense your exhaustion, your resentment, your silent grief for the parts of yourself you have abandoned. Even if you never say it, they feel it in the way your body tenses, in your sighs, in your absent eyes when they need you most.

Children are deeply attuned to us. They are wired to seek connection and safety in our presence, and when they see us constantly self-sacrificing, they internalize a dangerous belief:

“My needs hurt the people I love.”

They may grow up believing they are too much.

They may learn to shrink their needs.

They may learn to over-function, people-please, or take care of others to avoid being a burden.

They may even carry guilt for your unhappiness, believing that your exhaustion is their fault.

This is not what you want for them.

Your child doesn’t need a perfect parent.

They need a parent who is alive.

A parent who can show them what it looks like to care for themselves while caring for others.

A parent who models healthy boundaries, self-respect, and rest.

A parent who shows them that love is not sacrifice that leads to resentment but presence that grows from wholeness.

Taking care of yourself is not selfish. It is an act of love toward your child. Because when you are nourished, rested, and alive, you can meet their needs with patience and warmth, without asking them to carry the weight of your unmet needs in return.

You get to teach them, through your example, that they are allowed to take up space, to have needs, and to honor themselves while loving others.

That is the gift your child truly needs.

Reflection questions:

Where have you been sacrificing yourself in the name of parenting?

What would it look like to reclaim small pieces of your aliveness for yourself, and in doing so, for your child?

If you find yourself in this story and are ready to break the cycle of self-abandonment while parenting, I invite you to begin this work with support. This is the kind of healing we can walk through together in therapy, so you can give your child what they truly need: a parent who is alive, present, and whole.

With warmth and care,🤍

Aniela 

photo: Pinterest